I was exploring the age at which individuals form their worldview, and according to George Barna´s studies — a market research firm specializing in studying beliefs and behaviors — suggest that worldview development occurs between the ages of 18 months and 13 years. Sometimes, specific experiences determine beliefs that persist for years. My defining moment happened during my last high school year, influencing my worldview for nearly three decades.
One month before the final exams, my favorite teacher approached me to know if I had a ‘sponsor’ to get the highest grade I had been studying for years to obtain. Hailing from a humble family background with my mother as a housewife and my father having passed away at the age of 38 from cancer, I had no sponsor. Without surprise but with enormous frustration, my final grade was not the highest, leading me to perceive a profound injustice. Determined to prove them wrong, I excelled in university and moved from the South of Italy, my home, to Milan in the north, hoping to find more equity and a less archaic mentality.
Though I had studied marketing and communication, in the 90s in Italy, marketing was an almost unknown world in the IT sector. They hired me to be at the reception and serve coffees. We were two women among 25 men in the office, and I was hired to substitute the other lady who had an accident. “There is no marketing opportunity here,” they said. While taking calls from the big IT manufacturers, I discovered untapped marketing funds related to the products we sold. This was my opportunity to prove them wrong. I developed co-marketing plans with manufacturers, generating over €100k in the first year and boosting revenues by 20%. I transitioned from the reception to become the marketing manager, and an assistant was assigned to me.
Years later, during a salary negotiation with an international company, I was explicitly told that I am a woman and in an age of marriage (= maternity leave = absence), so ‘take it or leave it.’ I decided I didn’t want to live in a country where women are considered a cost and not an investment. I decided to relocate to a country with a more inclusive culture. It took me four years, but I managed it. Women deserve equal pay and respect. Again I wanted to prove them wrong.
After moving to Germany and facing language challenges in a dream job, I had two kids and wanted to prove that a mom with two kids and a full-time job can work hard and get a promotion. The expectations have always been higher and higher. Over 30 years of relentless self-improvement, the burnout taught me a crucial lesson: what if I prove myself wrong and understand that I don’t need to prove anything to anyone?
I have been mentoring tens of people, coaching people around the world, and this is a recurrent pattern: I need to prove to the company/the team/my partner, you name it… that I am good enough or that “they” are wrong. What if we take the courage to accept how we are and who we have become, acknowledging our accomplishments and embracing self-worth without the need for external validation? How would your worldview be if you finally were at peace with yourself?
I love coaching since it allows us to be aware of our own personal worldview and understanding what we don´t need anymore or what it is harmful instead of useful. How aware are you about your worldview and how it supports your physical and mental wellbeing?
